I think I'm totally cured of baby fear. No, really. Because I have a whole new fear to replace it! Hurrah! After ignoring a symptom for a couple of days, I decided I'd better get my butt to the doctor to check it out, especially since I forced HS to get his mysterious ailment checked out the same day it appeared about a month ago. (A symptom, when Googled, could have amounted to anything from cancer to no big deal. Luckily we landed on the no big deal side of things.) Now the doctor did give me a somewhat reassuring "it is most likely benign." But there's also a possibility it could be very, very bad! So let's just have medical procedures X & Y to clear things up, shall we? Ok! No problem! I will call the list of labs straightaway to make an appointment. Ten phone calls to ten different clinics in the Ottawa area later, I found out that while I can get an appointment for procedure X next week, procedure Y is all booked up until August. August people! That is just. too. long. to. wait. And did I mention I'm trying to wean off my meds? So I started sobbing into the phone to some poor receptionist. (I wonder if they get that a lot.) Luckily she suggested I call the Smiths Falls clinic. It's an hour away, but who cares? I did, and now I have an appointment for July 4th. Still far too long in my opinion, but better than fucking August.
So screw it. If this turns out to be benign, then WTF. Let's have another baby. Because I want one, despite the fear. Let's move back to Toronto. We could be happier there and closer to friends and family. And why not just take on that somewhat scary, but could be wonderful, freelance project? My life has been on hold for long enough.