Friday, December 23, 2005

Time, time, time. See what's become of me.

Yikes. I just reread my post from the 21st. Internet note: no more blogging after two glasses of shiraz (thank you HS's company for that extra Christmas treat), when I only have three minutes of free time, and when I'm feeling morose and sorry for myself (I'm sure the wine and the dinner time temper tantrum are what did me in). My birthday was fine. The babysitter (who we LOVE) came early, I had some lovely gorgonzola-drenched food, and we saw Walk the Line (great movie. Makes me want to download some Johnny Cash with my iTunes gift certificate -- thanks to my sister and KB). Thirty-four just seems like a blah age, and since we moved to Ottawa, I feel like my life has been placed on hold in favour of HS's career advancement. Which it has, let's face it. You see, we had to decide about our move to Ottawa before Charlie was even born, and I thought I would love being a SAHM (with a little freelance work on the side). I quit my horrible, horrible job with a Major Catalogue Retailer halfway through my pregnancy because I just couldn't take the stress, constant blame, and some truly evil coworkers. So I didn't have a job to go back to after my leave was up anyway. And while I do appreciate that I can take this time to be at home with Charlie, because it is a gift and not everyone has this opportunity, sometimes the playgroups and Gymboree and toddler music classes grate on my very last nerve. So I think that looking back on a year that was quite difficult (what with the PPD 'n' all) and looking forward to another year of better mental health but more of the same, it was getting me down a little. I need a list of goals that have nothing to do with motherhood. A little time just for me. I used to make a list every year of new things to do, and I haven't done that since Charlie was born (and the list for 2003 was all about getting knocked up and baby stuff). There's something to think about over the next week or so while HS is off, and I will have more time to myself. Speaking of the holidays, I have a to-do list that's all about getting ready to go to my MIL's tonight, and I have done none of it. Gotta pack, gotta wrap, gotta find the portable DVD player for the car ride.

If anyone actually reads this, I hope you have a wonderful, restful holiday season with those you love.

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